What Are “me Messages “?

For example, imagine a situation where we don’t like the way another person works. In these situations, it is often the case that we may have great difficulty expressing our feelings of evil and the emotions it causes.

When such circumstances arise, we often avoid saying what we actually think because we want to avoid getting into a dispute; and if we say something, we do not always find the right words for the situation to be both convincing enough and to avoid offending another.

In this case, self-messages are a very appropriate strategy because they allow us to express ourselves with respect without offending or adjusting another.

What are me messages?

Self-messages are a communication strategy that gives us the ability to show our feelings convincingly, while avoiding insulting or attacking our interlocutor.

To take advantage of self-messages, we need to prioritize expressing words from our own perspective and focusing our attention on the topic being talked about, while at the same time describing the feelings it evokes in us.

For example, if we say, “ You never help clean up or put anything back in its place, you always just avoid responsibility, ” it’s a clear critique that can easily arise between two people living together. This sentence makes it easy for the person being criticized to feel subject to a verbal attack and respond to it to the same extent.

Instead, we could say, for example, “ Over the past month, I have taken great responsibility for cleaning and tidying up the home, and I feel like I don’t get the support I need for housework ”. This sentence already sounds a lot more appropriate, doesn’t it? In this way, the person describes what has happened and shows how the situation has made him or her feel, but does not focus on blaming the other and pointing a finger.

Expressing the message in this way means that our interlocutor can feel more empathy for us without feeling criticized or accused, and thus also directs him or her to express his or her own feelings better.

Differences between I-messages and you-messages

“You messages” are ways of communicating that we tend to use in poorly managed conversations. Let’s look at some of the differences between you messages and me messages next.

Prosecution

You messages prevent good communication, as another person can easily feel attacked if our goal is to blame the other for what happened. Emphasizing the guilt of the second only has the exact opposite effect: the other logically begins to defend itself, does not take its own responsibility for a common duty, and responds to criticism with criticism.

Self-messages, on the other hand, minimize this reaction, which leads to the defensive attitude of the interlocutor. Our interlocutor will not respond to us in the same way if we say, “ Yesterday was horrible and everything was your fault, ” when if we say, “ I was really sad yesterday because you didn’t call me. “

Condemnation

In you messages, the speaker gives the other person a judgment where the only thing the other is causing is more resentment and indignation. Many times in these situations, sayings like “ You always do the same, you never change ” only lead to the other person not even wanting to find a solution to the situation.

Instead, we could say, for example, “ I often feel nervous if you don’t let me know you’re arriving late ” is a better option because it describes the speaker’s feelings while avoiding judging another.

Conflict resolution

You messages do not solve the problem underlying the situation, but on the contrary, they usually make it worse. Self-messages, on the other hand, are a good strategy for finding a solution that satisfies both parties.

Focusing on describing the event, expressing your own feelings, and bringing out different options can go a long way in resolving the problem and resolving the conflict.

How should I messages be used?

• We always formulate sentences from our own perspective:  “I’m worried because…” or “I feel bad when…” or “I’m sad because…” respectively.
• We describe the other person’s behavior as objectively as possible: “When you arrive late without warning…” or “When I tell you about my day and your focus is on other things…” or “When you speak contemptuously to my best friend…” respectively.
• We explain how the behavior of another makes us feel, “I feel like you don’t respect me or value my time” or “I feel like you ignore me” or “I feel like you don’t value me enough, respectively.”
• We suggest a solution: “I would be grateful if you let me know in advance that you are going to be late” or “I think it would be a better idea to go shopping next time next time to avoid queuing for such long periods” or “I ”.

I-messages can prove to be a really effective and useful way to communicate with almost anyone; be it a good friend, a partner, a family member, a co-worker or simply a person we have only just met.

The most important goal in this communication is that we prevent, through our own expressions and word choices, from insulting, condemning, and blaming another person. Self-messages help us expose our interlocutor to the situation we live in and at the same time present him or her with a solution to the situation without the other feeling attacked.

In this way, our interlocutor does not take a defensive line and respond to criticism with criticism but understands that we are not doing well in the situation, so it would be much easier for him to work with us to solve the problem and resolve the conflict.